Me // Who Am I?

I've been thinking lately.
(a dangerous thing really...)
In my thoughts, I've discovered that I live a double life.
Not a Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart double life, but a Fallon Klivian/Grace double life.

...it's really funny actually.  To my best friends, and close friends, and even various internet friends, they all know me one way, while people I know in "real life" know me completely differently.

I love Emma Stone :'D

You all know how hard I fangirl. You all know how hard I cry over fanfiction, or TV shows, etc.  You all know how obsessed and attached to fictional characters I am, and how I like to cosplay and write stories and create my own universes and discuss the depth of Amy Pond's expression as she looks at The Doctor, her best friend, etc.  You all know how hardcore I am when it comes to Star Wars, and how I've been to Star Wars conventions and go to Star Wars Weekends every year, and so on and so forth.
...so the Internet knows the real me?

This occurred to me a few weeks back at Dance.  I was talking to one of the teachers at the studio, the one I help in her classes for.  She's such a nice lady, I've known her for a really long time (she used to be my teacher!).  We were discussing Disney, as we'd both recently taken a trip there.  I mentioned that we're planning on using our days on our pass to go back for Disney's Star Wars Weekends.  She kinda looked at me and said, "Oh, you're so cute, with your Star Wars weekends." and I was like, "Diane, you don't understand.  Star Wars is my life.  It's not cute, I live, eat, breathe, sleep, dream, Star Wars."
I didn't say that of course, I politely giggled and said, "Haha, yeah, we're big fans."

But this is what gets me.  They really don't "know" me.  It happened again, I was at my tap dance class, and talking to my good friend Abbey.  Abbey was convinced that she was a bigger fangirl than me.  I laughed so hard I almost fell on the floor, because I am positive that that's physically impossible.  She fangirls over bands and over One Direction or whatever.  I had to explain that "Honey, I do FANDOM."

She was all "Well have you ever had an emotional breakdown crying because someone's so beautiful" and I'm like "Try two weeks straight still crying over a movie or TV show."
"Two weeks?"
"Straight."
"Really?"
"Ask my mom."

I named all the fandoms I could off the top of my head, and this chick was floored. She couldn't believe all the things she didn't know about me.  She was so surprised.  People are surprised all the time when they find stuff out about me.

At orchestra the other night I was talking to my friend Shanley (who I've gotten to know a lot better, and she's learned about the 'real me') and her friend Kate came over when we were discussing writing. She was so shocked.
"You've written a novel?!"
"I've written four novels."
"YOU'VE WRITTEN FOUR NOVELS?!?!"
I explained what NaNoWriMo was and how I wrote a novel over the summer for fun and how long they are and all the details. It was so cool, seeing she never knew that about me.

My friend Matthew at orchestra recently followed me on Instagram and asked me a TON of questions.  I had to explain almost all my fandoms, explain why my name was "Fallon Klivian" on twitter and why people call me "Fallon" and who the heck Fallon was and explain who River Song was and why she was my mother and explain all sorts of things and I was almost embarrassed that he found me on Instagram because he was finding out about me.
It scared me when he was looking at pics from Celebration VI and asked me about my friends. I was like "YOU KNOW WHO AUTUMN IS?!"
I felt like my little double life was being revealed, like in the Hannah Montana movie where Miley and Hannah's worlds got mixed up and Crawley Corners found out her secret. O.O
Weird, right?

But then again...why should I have to be different for people I see in person and people I know just from the internet.  All of my best friends I've met through the internet, and they all love me because I'm so different and like so many different things.  If the people I know IRL don't like that or think I'm weird, or whatever, then they don't really matter, do they?

Last week during school my mom and I were doing philosophy and we were talking about Nicholas Copernicus, who was afraid to publish his theories about the sun being the center of the galaxy, because he was afraid of being ridiculed.  He didn't want people to think he was crazy, and he didn't want people passing judgement on him.  He was afraid of what they'd say.

One of the student questions in the unit asked if "you ever feel like Copernicus" and are afraid of what other people think of you, and act accordingly.  I immediately said no, that I don't care what others think of me.  And to be honest, I'd like to say that is usually the case. I've gotten really good at wearing my heart on my sleeve, or rather, my fandoms on my shirts, and just going for it.  If I get weird looks or am asked questions, I've got plenty of quote comebacks to handle any situation.
But now that I'm thinking about it....
Who Am I?

Am I Grace, the girl who is super helpful at the dance studio, quietly talks to friends when she isn't playing her instrument during orchestra, always shows up on time, the homeschooled one, the Christian one, the girl in the middle of the store at 1 in the afternoon, the girl who remembers obscure parts of history and gets excited over them, girl with the little sister who's almost taller than her, who can't talk to people of the opposite sex or even people in her peer group?

Or am I Grace/Fallon, Star Wars FANATIC, Homeschooled and proud, Violist and Authoress, Fanfic Enthusiast, fandom freak, fangirl, Her Universe junkie, Jedi, X-Wing Pilot, Whovian, Sherlockian, Avatard, Warehouse 13 Agent, Avenger, Hobbit, Disney Princess and Trekkie?  The girl who can quote Captain America by heart, the girl who has spent hours trying to figure out how Sherlock survived the Reichenbach Fall, the girl who has spent the weekend in a fangirl COMA because Warehouse 13 has ripped her apart, the girl who cried so hard during the Legend of Korra season finale that she couldn't breathe, but managed to pull herself together to go see The Avengers in theaters for the 6th time, the girl who writes fanfiction and takes pride in making her friends cry, the girl who randomly shouts movie/TV quotes when they are appropriate (and even when they aren't) the girl who saves up money to buy action figures and clothes for her fandoms, the girl who attends comic cons and events like Star Wars Weekends so she can see her friends, the girl who loves her Lord and is blessed beyond belief, the girl who generally loves life, and can't believe how bright her future is looking right now, it being so close.

Who am I?

(I'm Jean Valjean.....okay okay, kidding, but the song's in my head. XD)

Who sounds better to you guys?  Because to me...how I appear to other people seems to be pretty darn boring.  Sure, I'm a bit over the edge when it comes to fangirling, but I'm a lot more fun and a lot cooler when I'm all up into fandom, don't ya think?  I mean, I wouldn't be friends with most of you if it weren't for fandoms.

So the point of this post is this.  I've come to a decision.  Though I don't want to really freak people out, I've decided to drop the "act".  I'm taking off the wig, Hannah and Miley ARE the same person.  Grace and Fallon are too.  My friends at dance, or my friends at orchestra, they can know me for ME.  They can follow me on Instagram and take a peek into my crazy fangirly life, they can watch as I take ridiculous selfies of me freaking out over Warehouse 13, they can look at the edits I post that Autumn photoshopped for me of a fanfic, they can see it all in it's endless wonder (OHHHHH WH-13 REFERENCE) and if they don't like it, oh well.  Nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm flaunting my world. Because guess what?  The world really is filled with endless wonder.  And if I spend my time worrying what other people might think of me, then I'm gonna miss out.  And I really don't want to miss out.
Especially if the endless wonder includes getting a job at a secret government warehouse in the South Dakota badlands that preserves historical artifacts with supernatural qualities.
Just sayin.
(go watch Warehouse 13...really. Just go watch it.)

Now my dear followers....who are you?  Do you have the Wig Syndrome, living one life for your friends and for the internet, but leading a totally different life in public? Are you worried what others might think should they see your Captain America t-shirt, or your Dalek socks?  Who are you? Tell me. :)

If you don't know who you are, do what I did, soul search some.  Think about what might be waiting for you if you just get out of your comfort zone a little bit...you never know what friendships or encounters are waiting!!! :D

And also think on this tidbit, also from Warehouse 13 (go watch it guys it's EPIC)....
"The ink with which our lives are inscribed is indelible."
So choose how you're inscribing your life.  :)  This quote is sticking on me...I think that's so important.  Who you are is not only who you know to be yourself, but what you show to others.  So don't hide the true you!! You can't hide who you are.  One day someone will pull off your wig and expose you as Miley, and then what?!
Either that or they'll find your Instagram account.

Good luck, May the Force be with you, May the Odds ever be in your Favor, Live Long and Prosper, and Don't Blink...;)

Your honest and inspired blogger,
Grace/Fallon, or rather...
Me xXx